The loving-kindness exercise went over much better this time. I did not use the mp3 in docsharing. I simply followed the instructions in the book this time. It was much less distracting this time without the music and the waves. I focused on my husband to begin with, and it was just a lot easier this time. I felt love and kindness toward him, myself, and even people that I do not particularly care for typically. I discovered that the waves crashing and soft music was more distracting to me than anything, and without them, I had much more success! I also discovered that I am a lot more selfish of a person that I ever thought, and I need to continue to think about others and how I can help them rather than constantly feeling bad for myself.
The integral assessment revealed several things. The aspects of my life that are the most significant sources of distress is the impending move that will occur within the next year and the uncertainty, my weight and lack of motivation to do anything about it, and the never-ending housework.
The area that I need to develop at this point is psycho-spiritual. I need to learn to witness my thoughts rather than to be controlled by them. In regards to our move, we do not even know where we will be moving. Half of the time, things change and never actually happen, and let's face it; military families should expect moves without losing their minds. I have been worried about selling our house, changing the kids schools, where we will live, and there is nothing that I can even do about it at this point. I have to learn to breath in, relax, and not constantly grasp onto these thoughts that send me on a roller coaster ride!
The subtle mind is probably the best exercise that I can do. It helps me to let go of those thoughts that I generally get carried away with, and brings me back to a quiet, calm, and relaxing focus. After some time, I think that I can calm my mind and anxieties. When I am not dwelling on the what-ifs, I have time to be still. I no longer will be controlled by my thoughts.
The loving-kindness exercise would also be helpful in this new realization that I have had on how selfish that I am. I thought about those that I do not like (my enemies), and I thought about the suffering that they have gone through, and I was able to see the human side of them. Too often, we see our enemies as villains. We see them as people that are out to ruin our days, weeks, or lives. However, they are people just like me and you who have experienced pain and suffering, and need love just as much as anyone. I say this with a particular person in mind who has intentionally caused my family and I grief over the past ten years or so. I thought about the pain and suffering that she has endured. She lost both of her parents within a year, her grandmother, and all of her children are in someone else's custody. That has to be painful. I never thought of her in that regard. I have always thought of her as an awful person, but never once stopped to consider her suffering. It is still hard even as I write this to care about her, but with the loving-kindness exercise, I think it will definitely lead me in the right direction.
Well, that's about it for this week!
Thanks,
Amy
Hi Amy! It was hard for me to concentrate when the waves were crashing also, it made me very tired and wanting to go to the bathroom. This exercise really makes you think about life differently and why people act like they do (being rude and not understanding). I felt that and I do not want to be that way, but I catch myself now and then being in too much of a hurry and stressed out to not care. I need to tal myself back out of it. It makes me a better person.
ReplyDeleteHi Amy,
ReplyDeleteI am a little late but wanted to thank you for your honesty and transparency with your last post. It must be very hard to not be able to plan with the military. I was a travel nurse for a few years and moved every 3 months or so. That was hard, but I didn't have young kids thankfully.
The loving-kindness exercise is eye opening. As a nurse I had to face some of my biases when it came to drug and alcoholic patients. I had to think that if my life circumstances were different it could be me in that bed. I certainly need to bring that loving-kindness into other areas of my life.
Take care,
Robin
Hey Robin,
ReplyDeleteIt is far to easy to judge people than to extend a helping hand or try to understand them. I really try to impress upon my children that when someone is mean to them, they should try to consider why they act that way. It could be something that is going on at home. We don't know the specifics of each person's life, but if we imagine the worst, we tend to have a little more sympathy and understanding. I don't want them to be walked all over because of their compassion, but I do want them to be understanding of others' suffering.
Amy
Amy,
ReplyDeleteSorry this is late getting to you...but better late than never I suppose...I really enjoyed your post....I have trouble concentrating with the talking...and the waves...it seems to be a bit distracting to me as well...and here I thought that I was the only one! Whew!!
The assessment we had to do was eye opening...and I have had more emotion in this exercise than what I thought I would have. After replaying the sessions...my emotions came out more than I normally allow...I like the control....and hate when I feel out of control...
I understand the uncertainty of an up comping PCS...I had several while I was in the military and several years after when I married a service person (I do not see him as a man) ...everything is everywhere!
When kids or even adults are being mean to others...I wonder what kind of day is it that they are trying to bring others down to ...to make themselves feel better...I have taught my daughter..that if you show kindness even to those that have been mean to you.....they will see that their tactics do not work on you....it may take time....and you may even find in some strange turn of events that they turn to you for help.
I try to keep positive....difficult at some turns...but to stay positive....
Sorry for the late relply